Pants 0. Shit 1.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize