she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
