oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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