His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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