I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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