Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
