i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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