he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
