I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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