Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
