i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
