my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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