Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
