Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
