evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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