and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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