i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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