Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
