i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize