my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
