You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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