PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize