You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
