worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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