I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
