I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
