Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize