She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
