barbara walters just said penis...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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