And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
