he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
