Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
