you guys were way drunker than both of me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
