It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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