Just took my morning after pill in the library
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Send help, water and tortillas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
