Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
