shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
