I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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