I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
