I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
