Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
