took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
