Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
