where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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