did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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