We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
