You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
