I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
