Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
