I just made out with a guy for $7.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
