so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
