So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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