Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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