I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
