On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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