I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
