got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize