Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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