so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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