your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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