I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize