Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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