she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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