and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
