so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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