his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
