That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
