Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
