New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
