i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
