So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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