I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
