I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
