It's Friday. Sex?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
