I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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