i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
