im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
