Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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