totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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