yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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