My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
