My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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