they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
