I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
