Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
im on a boat
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