Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
