do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
