Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
