Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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