I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
