What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
