Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
