The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
