Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
