so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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